On Friday I saw a stray cup of coffee in the PAC so I picked it up like a good citizen who wants to discourage littering but on my way to a trash can outside I accidentally tipped it a little bit and coffee spilled on my hand and on my phone AND IT WASN’T EVEN MY COFFEE and now my phone still smells like some other person’s previously drunken coffee.
buenas noches <3
Text me when you actually go to sleep.
It’ll make me smile.
Oh, but you don’t have to.
girl logic: do (x), it’ll make me happy.
Alright I’ll do it,
you dont have to do it, but hey it’ll make me smile, so if you dont do it, I wont smile and you will feel like shit for not doing so even though I told you it would.
I’m laughing so much
side objective completed
so lance armstrong cheated, big deal
he’s still the first person to bike on the moon
the trumpet player?
“WHERE’S MY SPEECH NOTES”
“WHERE. ARE. MY. SPEECH. NOTES.”
“I UHHHH. ORGANISED THEM.”
“WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW.”
“I NEED THEM”
“UH UH DON’T YOU THINK ABOUT PRACTISING THAT SPEECH TONIGHT I’VE BEEN PLANNING THIS DINNER FOR MONTHS”
“BUT AMERICA IS IN NEED”
“MY STOMACH IS IN NEED OF THAT FANCY DINNER.”
“YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SPEECH IS WOMAN THIS IS FOR INTERNATIONAL JUSTICE”
“I’M MICHELLE OBAMA. I INVENTED JUSTICE.”
I’M LITERALLY CRYING.
i ought to stop making these but there’s something awfully therapeutic about it
Just hangin out with my bestie
it’s getting harder and harder for me to find which essay i’m looking for.
will you be my girlfrien? there’s no d now because you’ll be getting it later.
its dead week
my sister has given up on being an english major and has decided to be a full time burrito
she was quoted saying “burritos don’t have to write lesson plans”
i’ve decided to join her
burritos don’t have to take tests
Are those…actual burritos you’re burritoing next to?
those are taquitos
those are our children
your children are beautiful and that is the most lovely family photo I ever did see!
Ring around the rosie
A pocket full of posies
1/3 of the European population gets obliterated by the Black Death
The plaque reads:
Tribute to Gaston
An extravagantly generous gift
to the humble people of my village
from Me, Gaston
one day im going to hire a prostitute and just tell her about my feelings